


Malfoy's don't cry (except when they do)

by donnarafiki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide mention, Supportive Harry Potter, pansy is an awesome friend, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 19:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13724619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnarafiki/pseuds/donnarafiki
Summary: Draco has made many mistakes in his life, but that doesn't mean he has to deal with everything on his own.





	Malfoy's don't cry (except when they do)

Harry was just about to enter his eight year dormitory, when the door was quickly opened and then shut again, letting out Pansy Parkinson. It wasn’t strange to find the Indonesian girl there. She was still thick as thieves with Draco, even though he now slept with Harry. And, to Harry’s great pleasure, since three months that wasn’t just as roommates, but as actual boyfriends, in the same bed.

“You. Me. Big Talk. Now.” Pansy snapped her fingers in front of his face, and looked at him with such fire in her eyes that Harry came after her without protest. She looked more terrifying than a mother dragon defending her newborns.

He followed her to her own dorm, sat down on a desk chair and quickly went through all of his actions from the previous month. Anything that might have upset Draco, which would in turn anger Pansy, was thoroughly turned over. He couldn’t find anything that could have made this happen though, so he sat back and hoped the Slytherin would explain.

“Draco’s having a very hard time, Potter.” Pansy said, her tone nothing short of serious and slightly terrifying. “I don’t know how much he’s told you, but its starting to get to him.

“Theo’s making plans to travel the world with Longbottom, Blaise is going off to work for the Nigerian Magical Government, and I’m off to Italy to work my way up into the family business next year.” She uncrossed her arms and started ticking things off. “And on top of that, he can’t leave the country for another three years, his family fortune is confiscated and his job opportunities are barely existent.”

Harry didn’t know what to say to that, so he kept quiet. Of course he knew all eight years would be facing some changes over the summer. However, he’d never really thought about the fact that for Draco, those changes were going to be a lot bigger than for most of them. Suddenly he felt the almost uncontrollable need to get back to his dorm and kiss Draco, but he couldn’t because Pansy wasn’t done talking yet.

“Now I’m not telling you this because he needs the Saviour of the Wizarding World to fix all of his problems. I’m saying it because he’s terrified of his future, and he needs a friend at his side to support him.” Pansy sighed, and her next words were a lot more timid that usual. Harry almost thought he could hear a trace of _guilt_ in there. “Preferably a friend who won’t abandon him after graduation.”

The woman stepped closer to him. Her eyes were wet but that did not make her look any less terrifying. “Preferably his boyfriend, if you really meant it when you said this isn’t a fling to you.”

“I did. I meant it, I mean.” Harry swallowed and got to his feet. Despite being almost a foot taller than Pansy, he felt small under her gaze. “I love him. Before, after and during graduation. I promise.”

“Well then get your arse in his dorm right now, Potter. He just got a letter from his mother telling him that she’ll be moving to France soon. He needs a hug.” Pansy walked towards the door and held it open for him. “And _I_ need you not to be an inconsiderate idiot, because I will still slit your throat if you ever hurt him. Even when I’m in Italy.”

* * *

 

As soon as he got Pansy to leave, which had taken way too long, he tried to calm himself down. It was ridiculous that he was panicking about this whole business in the first place. So what if his mother was moving to France, his friends would work abroad, and he’d be penniless after graduation?

He’d lived together with The Dark Lord, had been forced to kill Dumbledore, taken the Dark Mark, been punished for not identifying Harry and survived six weeks in Azkaban waiting for his trail. This whole ‘scary future’ thing should be peanuts compared to that. And it _was_ peanuts compared to that.

So why was he still panicking about it? Why did his breathing still get uneven and ragged when he thought of what lay ahead? Why wasn’t he screaming his joy and gratitude off the rooftops for even having a future at all, after going so long believing he wouldn’t even make it to his eighteenth birthday?

All these questions and more where swirling through his head, making it impossible to fully calm down. Thousands of images, ideas and problems bounced off the walls of his mind, making it impossible to even finish a single thought. But his breathing was almost soundless now. Harry wouldn’t even notice his upset state, since the curtains around his bed were shut.

And Harry shouldn’t notice. He had enough on his plate as it was, and besides that, most of Draco’s problems came from his own stupid choices from the past. It was his job to deal with those. Not Pansy’s, not Harry’s, not Theo’s or Balise’s or even his mother’s. _He_ had fucked up so _he_ was going to have to deal with the results.

Which, again, weren’t even half as bad as he’d expected them to be, so _why the fuck was he still panicking about it as if it were a big deal?_ He used to be able to rely on a calm and collected mind, and felt betrayed now that he couldn’t.

“Draco?” _Crap_. Draco cursed under his breath. Of course this was the moment Harry picked to come back to their dorm. Of bloody course.

“Yes, Harry?” He wiped some silent tears from his face, and was just about to cast a glamour charm on his bloodshot eyes when his boyfriend opened the curtains around his bed.

“Hey love.” Draco refused to look up when he heard Harry’s gentle voice. The man shouldn’t _be_ gentle. He should tell him to suck it up because there were worse things in the world, just like Pansy should have done. But, just like Pansy, Harry didn’t agree with him, and again just like Pansy, he climbed onto the bed and pulled him into a hug.

How the bloody hell he’d deserved such friends was beyond him. Though Harry was of course more than a friend, which he made clear by kissing both of Draco’s now closed eyes. That was such an incredibly stupid kind gesture that he teared up all over again and wrapped his arms firmly around Harry.

“It’s okay to be scared, love. It’s not nothing to go from thinking that you’ll be dead before eighteen, to having a whole life ahead of you.” Harry squeezed his shoulders as Draco desperately tried to stop himself from crying. “A life you never thought you’d get to live.”

He took a deep, shaky breath. “How can you expect me not to cry when you say stupidly considerate things like that? Where’s the stumbling awkward idiot I fell in love with?”

“He’s right here, babe.” Harry kissed the top of his head and pulled him closer. “And he’s not going anywhere. Not without you.”

That was the moment Draco turned around in Harry’s arms, buried his face in the crook of his neck and gave up all attempts to stop the waterworks. It was shocking, even to himself, how much he needed that. He hadn’t cried, hadn’t _allowed_ himself to cry, since that one time in the bathroom in sixth year.

Not during his darkest moment in the war. Not when he’d lost his father to Azkaban. Not when he’d lost his childhood home, house elves and family fortune. Not after he got spat at in the streets for what he’d been forced to do. Not when his mother had called his coming out ‘just a phase’. Not when Pansy, Theo and Blaise had told him they would all go their separate ways after graduation.

But Harry saying he was there for him, that was too much. It was a helping hand that he shouldn’t take, that he didn’t _deserve_ to take, but _Merlin_ he wanted to. More than anything in the world, even though the very essence of his upbringing had been that Malfoy’s are powerful people who do not ask for help.

But he felt as far from powerful as he could get, and he wasn’t asking. He just received, because that was how Harry Potter worked. Helping people was what he did, even when said people didn’t want it. Didn’t ask for it. Didn’t deserve it.

“I love you.” It wasn’t the first time Draco said it, but it was the first time he said it while realising just how true the statement was.

“I love you too.” He pulled away a little so he could look Harry in the eye, and saw there the evidence of what he’d thought he’d heard. Tears. Softly, he kissed Harry’s eyelids.

Harry smiled, and kissed him again. “Are you okay?”

“No.” The answer was out before he could think, but that didn’t make it any less true. Maybe it even made it more true. He was so incredibly not okay that his mouth wouldn’t allow his head to keep telling lies.

_I’m fine. It’s just spit. I didn’t talk to my mom that much anyway. We’ll still write each other. I cut myself shaving. Malfoy’s don’t need therapy. I didn’t know combining calming draught with strong sleep meds could kill you._

“Anything I can do?” Harry whispered, pulling him closer still. Draco shivered despite his warmth, and Harry pulled the covers over him.

“This. Just this.” _Just hold me tight until I feel like I won’t shatter when you let go._

“Okay. Okay I will.” Draco’s thoughts were still spinning, but slightly less than before. Harry’s strong arms around him helped a lot, even though half of the thoughts shooting through his head seemed to be about how undeserving he was to be in Harry’s safe embrace. “Just tell me when there’s anything else I can do,okay love? You’ve been through so much. You’re still _going_ through so much. No one expects you to handle everything on your own.”

_I do_. Draco took a deep breath and relaxed a little against Harry’s chest. The steady heartbeat he found there was grounding, and his thoughts calmed down a little more. Softly, Harry started threading his fingers through his hair. _I did_. _But maybe I shouldn’t have_. _Maybe this is something no one can do on their own_.

“Okay.” It was the first word Draco spoke that didn’t shake. “Okay, I’ll tell you when there’s something else you can do.”

“Good.” Harry bent down and kissed him, and Draco kissed him back.

He really hoped his future self would stick to the promise. It was pretty obvious now that his life depended on it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this in a bad place, still am in a bad place, hope to get out of there soon but odds are that I won't. Sometimes life just sucks, and its annoying.


End file.
